Sending a child off to college is a highly anxious, emotional time for just about all parents. If you and your co-parent are recently separated or divorced, however, it can be a particularly stressful change in the family dynamic.
Your child has likely aged out of the custody order and parenting plan. That means they’ll be choosing which parent they want to spend time with when they come home for visits (or whose home they’ll go to if you don’t live in the same city). They may keep in touch with one parent more than the other.
Don’t make it a competition
Co-parents of college students can feel like they’re constantly competing for their child’s time and affection. However, the harder you compete and the more you make your child feel guilty (intentionally or not), the more you’re likely to drive them away. They may end up going home during winter and spring breaks with a roommate or other friend instead or even staying at school over shorter breaks.
Communication is key
The important thing is to let them know they can contact either of you if they need anything or just want to talk. However, it’s also important for co-parents to communicate with each other if there are issues you both need to know about.
When it comes to long school breaks and summer, be sure you’re all on the same page – regardless of how or where your child will be. Again, this is why it’s critical to communicate with your co-parent – even if it’s via a co-parenting or online scheduling app.
Tracking and managing expenses
You’ve likely worked out how you and your co-parent are splitting the major expenses, like tuition and room and board. If you’re also helping out with miscellaneous expenses, it’s a good idea to keep a shared expense record (also available through co-parenting apps). This way you know how much you’re giving your child in total.
Start things off right with the drop-off
If you haven’t already dropped your child off at college and you both want to be part of it, determine how you can each share in the experience without getting in each other’s way. Get your child’s input on what help they can use from each of you.
This first semester will be a learning experience for everyone. If you need to make any modifications in any of your divorce agreements, be sure you have experienced legal guidance.
