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A divorce don’t: yelling in front of the children

On Behalf of | May 17, 2017 | Divorce |

Prior to the decision to file for divorce, many couples see an uptick in the number, duration and intensity of their arguments. Their emotions can lead to more frequent and more heated fights, that involve everything from bad language to physical violence. Studies have shown for years that domestic abuse in a home has an obviously detrimental impact on children, even if they themselves aren’t necessarily the target of the abuse. Recent research indicates that the act of yelling at or around children could, in some ways, be just as detrimental.

In fact, the negative impact of shouting in the home can actually last longer than the effects of spanking or other forms of corporal punishment. Researchers found lasting evidence – in the form of unfulfilling relationships and poor emotional control – when people who had been yelled at during their youth grew up and got married themselves. Plus, teens whose parents regularly screamed at them or used so-called “harsh verbal discipline” (shouting, using insults or belittling) reported much higher rates of depression and behavior difficulties.

Remember your audience

Whether you are in the midst of a divorce or are trying to transition to a new family dynamic following one, it can be easy to let your emotions get the best of you. It might be tempting to yell at your children when you are angry at their other parent, or when you are tired or stressed. It can likewise seem like second nature to have arguments with your spouse, even heated ones, in front of your children where you yell at each other.

Simply put, these behaviors can be detrimental. Finding ways to work out anger without resorting to shouting matches, such as taking a series of deep breaths, counting to 10, leaving the room to “cool off” before continuing or having each party write down their frustrations instead of verbalizing them can all create a more peaceful household.

Even when you and your spouse can no longer continue in your relationship, your children are your first priority, and you want what is best for them. Moving forward with a divorce can sometimes be the best solution for everyone involved. It will be hard, and a huge transition, but a fresh start might be just what the proverbial doctor ordered. To learn more about Illinois divorce, reach out to a local family law attorney today.